Do you know those days when you had in mind to do something but then you ended up scrolling for a bit too long?
Those kind of mornings where you are not on a fixed schedule as usual, so you allow yourself to flow more gently into your day, but then an hour has passed already and you feel not “worthy anymore” to start your morning routine?
I used to feel like this all the time.
I would initially feel a deep sense of excitement at the idea of having a calmer morning.
Then slowly, I would start doing things that I would normally avoid and ended up wasting so much time on it.
By the time I would realise how long I have been on it, the guilt would actually cause a reaction that would make run in the opposite direction.
Instead of putting down my phone, get out of bed or my head, I would dive even deeper into it, in order not to feel the disappointment, guilt, frustration that were starting to arise within me, towards my own self.
And just like that, I was keeping myself stuck in a very big trap (that let me tell you, has been designed very carefully without us even noticing).
The idea of a perfect timeline is something that we carry over our heads since the day we were little peas in the womb.
There is always something that has to be done in a certain way, at a specific time or age of our lives.
When it will be “appropriate” to develop into the uterus, come out of it, open your eyes, interact with the new beings around you, lose your umbilical cord, stop being fed from the breasts, start solid foods, crawl, talk, go to school, develop into your human body in a certain way, stop playing with toys, have the first kiss, choose your studies, graduate, find a job, find a spouse, buy a house, have kids, grow old, wait for retirement.
And whether we might be fully conscious of these silent imposed requirements or not, they linger in our subconscious, ticking all the time.
To the point that we are repeating the same patterns on our daily life, without us even noticing.
While in truth, there is no pressure or great final judgment, apart from the one we have been programmed to fear.
It is never too late to get out of bed and jump into that cold shower, go for that run, start your morning practices, hop to the gym.
It is okay to realise that 30 minutes have passed on your phone, and you can put it down and move on with your day.
You can still have fruits and pancakes for breakfast even if you were daydreaming under the blankets for half the morning.
And it is never, ever, too late to stop believing to the voice in your head that is telling you otherwise.
Be gentle with yourself instead.
Being alive is beautiful, but it can be also very demanding.
Guilt is an emotion that can hold a grip on us, on our freedom to experience every day as new; don’t let it control the outcome.
Doesn’t matter how much time you spent onto something instead of another.
That was the flow you felt to go into until that very specific moment when you realised it is time to pass onto something else.
Start again, every time, every given moment.
And while you do it, celebrate.
Don’t focus on the time you’ve spent.
Focus on the strength you had to start all over again, no matter how long it took.
Be proud of yourself, always.
And then start again!
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